Grace smells like Tide

On Monday when my washer stopped spinning and draining with a FULL load my tactic was denial. In the chaos of Monday morning I didn't have time to accept this.  I thought, if I keep turning it off and on and unplug it and start it again, surely it will work.  Afterall, unplugging myself usually fixes my inability to spin and function.  This strategy was terrible.  By 3pm the same load started to SMELL FUNKY.  It was time to accept reality.

And, I practiced giving thanks in all things.  And, you know what?  It was hard, I won't lie.  9 people with young children and soiled linens and no washer was challenging.  Do you know where I found grace?  Being in need of help.  It is so humbling to ask for help.  I need to be humbled.  It is painful, but oh how I need humbling.  All week long we ushered laundry to 3 different friends houses.  I'd take a load to the Y to meet a friend or my older sons would bike a load to a neighbor in the bike carrier.  Oh the grace and love that is tangible when your friend brings you your dirty laundry back ALL CLEAN.  It is a gift to hand over what is dirty and they bring it back clean.  And, FOLDED!  Pure grace that smells like tide.  I literally wept and smelled the love of it all.  And, I needed it. Last weekend we got some hard news about someone we love dearly.  And, We are going through some HARD changes with different stages of our Z's.  And, I needed the tangible act of handing over my dirty laundry and the grace of a friend handing it back clean.  

Momsense Notes October 2016

EMBARRASSING YMCA locker room story… (aprox 4 min.)

What we whisper our children will yell.  Loudly.  In public.  And, if you have multiple children they will echo it loudly.  In public.  

I am a wretched sinner saved by grace falling more and more in love with Jesus.  He is my rock.  His word is the foundation I seek to build my whole life on.  Ive been obsessed with words my whole life.  I feast on good words and quotes.  I delight in learning a new word.  

The power of WORDS

God spoke and created the world.  And we being made in his very own image speak and create and shape a world for our children.  

“Wise words satisfy like a good meal; the right words bring satisfaction.  The tongue can bring death or life; those who love to talk will reap the consequences.”

We have all had moments that words spoken to us have GIVEN LIFE to every cell in our body.  Oh what a joy it is!  And, we I am sure have all had moments that words spoken to us have devastated, shamed, humiliated, discouraged and drained us.  

It’s funny how sometimes it isn’t even WHAT THE WORDS are, it is the SPIRIT BEHIND THEM, RIGHT?

I can SMELL the VALUE someone has in children (or lack there  of by the WAY they say, “youve got your hands full!!”

Say several different ways!

What a magnificent challenge we have to create a culture with LIFE GIVING WORDS!   

We all want to speak life into our children's lives and hearts.  

Yet, I know I have found this quite difficult at times.  The words that spill out of my mouth are not at all what I want.  

Our words demonstrate what our real values are.  What we say to our children and how we say it reveals what we really value.  

We are always teaching VALUES - what VALUE wins?

For me motherhood has been one large identity and values crises.  I thought I had it ALL figured out.  And, then I had Zach.  I thought I knew all the answers to all the problems.  And, then I end up in moments like the locker room story where they are SCREAMING VALUES I didn’t know I was teaching.

Every minute no matter how inconsequential teaches.  Attitudes are contagious.  Values are contagious.

Motherhood WARS VALUES.  Does cleanliness win?  Does play win?  Afterall, I want a life giving home?  Does teaching them math win?  After all there is a lot of pressure for those times tables… Do clean clothes win?  I mean if my kids look unkempt that is bad PR for families.    Does efficiency win?  Does exercise win?  Loading the dishwasher and dripping water everywhere does the heart of the matter win or the mess win?  Milk spills, child cries what matters more?  Does helping in strife or being lazy and kind win?

For example Zoe loading the dishwasher… huge mess but heart of service WINS over a messy floor.

 What do my words reflect- my values/heart!

Luke 6:45

“45 A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of.”

Our children see our hearts.  They mirror our hearts. We are training their hearts.  We are training their affections, their grace-filled or grace void mouths flow out of what is stored in their heart.

 And, it is less about the sermons we speak and more about the sermons we LIVE.  

Don’t misunderstand.  I love the chance to give a sermon.  Especially in the CAR.  They are STRAPPED in and a CAPTIVE AUDIENCE AFTER ALL.  

Grayson and Maggie call these places “sacred spaces”.  Places where convos are more likely to happen because of our setting or circumstance.

“When a student is fully trained he will be like his teacher.”  Luke 6:40

When our children are fully trained they will be like us! What ultimate value can guide us?

What is the ultimate value?  

Love.  

LOVE should always be our greatest guide.  

Jesus was asked about this

Love the Lord your God with all your heart , mind, soul and strength and love your neighbor as yourself. (Mark 12:30-31)

Think about that last part.  Love your neighbor as yourself.  Our children are the closest neighbors we have.  They are with us more than anyone else.  Mother Teresa says if you want to make peace go home and love your children.  Are we treating our children like we would want to be treated?

Are we speaking to them with respect, with eye contact, with dignity with love and with grace.

Too often we want to discipline our children for behavior we HAVE taught them . They have caught from us.  For using words they learned from us.

If we speak to them with anger, if we raise our voice all the time, if we're short with them, why should we expect them to be any different from us?

If we want them to apologize without being asked, they need to see us do that. If we want them to treat their siblings with love and grace, they need to see us treat them and all others like that.

Words for US and THEM.  Where is: Our compass, our guide, our rock, our TRUE NORTH?

What an impossible task on our own!  Apart from Him we cannot do this.  But, His strength is made perfect in our weaknesses.  (2 Corinthians 12:9)  Staying connected to Him is EVERYTHING.

In order to have words that are: Kind and loving and graceful and true and beautiful we MUST go to the word to fill up.  We cannot give what we do not have.  We begin again over and over again at getting THE WORD In our head and heart.  

We think we know scripture is we are familiar with it.  A few years ago I recognized the CHASM the GAP between what I knew and could recognize in scripture and what I knew in my heart.  It occurred to me that if I KNEW deep down in my soul and every cell in my body was obedient to the truths I recognized, it would change everything.

In spanish and hungarian they actually have different words for this kind of knowing!

Spanish  saber (head)  concocer (heart)

Hungarian also!

Our language limits our understanding of KNOWING.

His word needs to become furniture, fixtures for our souls.  His words are the ONLY words that can cut through our soul and spirit.  His Words are LIVING and ACTIVE.

Hebrews 4:12 – alive and ACTIVE – READ OUT LOUD

For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.

2 Timothy 3:16 – 17

16 All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, 17 so that the servant of God[a]may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.

This task of shaping how our children use their words seems impossible.

Aside from knowing and relying on His Word, we'll never be able to give life with our own words, much less teach our children to do the same.

Our will power, the blogs we read, the bookcase full of parenting books, the “studies” we attend and all the Pinterest boards in the world are not enough to show us how to teach our children to communicate with grace and truth.

Those things come only through a mother who has immersed herself in God's Word so much that His Words start to become her own.

Because a mother that is bathing in the Scriptures each and every day knows that her words don't have the power of God's Word, like we just read about. She knows that His Word is the only thing that can truly change a human heart, know matter how little the person is it belongs to.

Application!

But where do you begin? How do you build the Bible into your time with your children.

Example of how we are using scripture at home…

Explain the process we use at home.  Not PRESCRIPTIVE but DESCRIPTIVE.  But, explain how that serves us a few examples depending on time…

(meal times, morning times, car times, discipline, music)

A little every day over the grace  of a childhood adds up to a LOT!!

6,570 days.  (18 years X 365)

How much could you accomplish over the grace of all those days?

We overestimate what we could do in a short time, under estimate the long run!

START SOMEWHERE and do not underestimate what a little every day can do.  For example just the words of LOVE the love chapter alone could serve you AGAIN AND AGAIN.

What mother doesn’t have to remind her children again and again in this area?

Insert possible story from morning meeting (Zane Chronicles confusion)

Micro stories:

Ex:  Zayden scootering and saying the Lord's prayer

Ex: Me remembering in the heat of the moment that love is not get easily angered

Ex: let's be gentle, “Let love and faithfulness never leave you”...

Ex:  Zane upon reciting the 10 commandments said, “I break that one a lot”.  --- follow up heart convo!!

There is no task more important more pressing more urgent more ANYTHING than filling up on the word of God.  Just as Timothy explains it prepares for EVERY good WORK.   The work of motherhood is good work.  Holy work.  The work of motherhood is sacred and urgent.  

He trusts us with souls to care for.  Whole human lives we are responsible for! Let's lay down our distractions and fears and failures and pick up the sword…  the VERY WORDS INSPIRED BY GOD HIMSELF.  

Lets push past the never ending distractions and obstacles to feast on his word.

Let’s lay down our grumbling and complaining and get to work.  Let’s lay down our regrets from yesterday our sins from yesterday and pick up the wild and free gift of his grace.  But, a battle we are not ready for, what to do?

What if our hearts are just not FEELING the LOVE?

He loves us so much he gives us the prescription for this.  Two prayers I have prayed FREQUENTLY over my heart for my children.

Create in me a clean heart oh Lord and renew a right spirit within me. (Psalm 51:10)   

Ezekiel 36:26  I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.

Or, “Help me see my child like you see him.  Your ways are higher than my ways your thoughts higher than my thoughts, your wisdom is great and I am begging you for it.  Help me see my child like you see my child!”

September!

Nothing ever goes exactly as planned with 7 kids.  Sometimes it is wildly better.  And, sometimes I hold on for the storm.  In some ways I am shocked by how we have fallen into a beautiful rhythm of school!  Yet, I also wonder, What in the world? Why haven't we finished more this month?  Why didn't we get to the human body unit?  And, why do we already have $40+ in library fines?  Beginning my 8th year of homeschooling, I should know by now it never goes exactly as planned and there will always be library fines!  But, the month is coming to a close and I want to celebrate what we DID do because left un-celebrated I will spend the whole next month STRESSED by what I didn't do instead of grateful for what we did.

My most grateful is our morning time routine has become such a BLESSING!  I was inspired by Cindy Rollins who writes about homeschooling her 7 boys and 1 girl in Mere Motherhood. When praying over our school year routine it became so obvious what to do.  Each morning we gather for 2 worship songs, bible memory work, writing and a chapter of our group read aloud (Little Britches by Ralph Moody).  And, then I make announcements.  I love the freedom that homeschooling provides to weave family and educational life together!  We were having major communication breakdowns and not relaying important days events to everyone (large family issue?) and this has helped tremendously!  Every second spent in scripture memory is a RICH investment.  I believe the Bible is inspired by God and as we memorize the precious living and active words, they make their home in our hearts and heads and teach, train and correct us all!

We are so excited about serving on the Preschool Worship Team!  All my kids learn the motions and lyrics to a preschool worship song for church and then we meet to have it filmed.  Bonus:  the song was all about being a happy helper!

And, this was his first official day of 8th grade...

Singing that happy helper song is PAYING off!  3 cheers for 5 year olds that take out the trash!!!

I love the freedom to work on educational goals when interest strikes!  An ounce of will goes farther than a pound of drill!  This was a Sunday afternoon and he wanted to play with stamps so we turned it into a "word family" game.

The last 2 school starts have been CRAZY.  Last fall I was newly pregnant and MOVING.  And, the fall before that I was overwhelmed with a part time job I was delaying quitting.  But, this fall we finally got to a hot air balloon unit. We read a few Hot air balloon books (Hot Air by Marjorie Priceman was our favorite) and with laundry baskets and helium balloons we made our own hot air balloons and let our imagination take over!  "Play is the highest level of child development.  It gives joy, freedom, contentment, inner and outer rest, peace with the world!"

Can You Hear It? by William Lach was purely delightful.  This picture is terrible but let me explain it.  The book merges great works of art and beloved classical music and the questions point out instruments and sound to look for.  It inspired spontaneous dancing!

Writing this has been WILDLY encouraging.  I thought it would take me a few minutes to share the highlights.  And, I barely scratched the surface of the pictures I have taken.  Next blog I will share a little more from our Williamsburg/Jamestown/Yorktown trip!  And, a little more about Zachary's curriculum!

35 days as a mom of 7!

First off, basic math is very tricky the first few weeks.  Steve was taking the oldest 5 swimming in the afternoons and I would think with relief, great I only will have- wait I still have 2 children after he takes 5?!  5+2=7?!  Oh my 5+2=7!  Or he would take 4 to the grocery store and I would think I can nap while he is gone I only have... 3?  Wait if he is taking 4 how do I still have 3?  Oh, because 4 children plus 3 children is 7 children.  I HAVE SEVEN CHILDREN.  That number sounds so big.  When I think of them as: Zach, Zoe, Zane, Zadie, Zeke, Zayden and Ezra; that feels manageable.  But the numbers rock my brain a little and sometimes a lot :)

I heard in a sermon recently a pastor address the fact that when they went "multi-site" he had to stop addressing situations and work on systems.  This resonated deeply with me!  Years ago when I had Zach and the twins, 3 kids, I could address situations.  Now I need a SYSTEM for EVERYTHING.

Our regular routine is to once a week go to the library and then go to Chick-fil-a.  Lets take refills at Chick-fil-a.  When it was just Zach and 2 babies, I had no pre-established rules or systems for a refill.  We just got a refill when we wanted it.  Now I have a SERIOUS system for the entire cup situation, from if and when you get a refill, even down to you have to earn the right to bring that cup in the car.  If you take initiative with trash in the car then YES you can take your drink in the car.  I could easily clean up 1-2 cups.  Who could clean up 6?  Not me!  Which segues to another system.  GAS!  Whenever we pump gas everyone who is able to un-buckle must un-buckle to clean up their "row in the van"of any trash.  They are mostly agreeable to this and a reminder of this is how they earn the right to BRING the cup in the car boosts motivation.

Laundry and Dishes.  With 3 kids I would just address laundry and dishes.  Get them done, get them  moving.  With 6-7 I have a SYSTEM.  Every meal, EVERY Z has a job (even down to the youngest has shoe patrol).  Someone is in charge of dishes and someone is in charge of laundry to keep these areas PROGRESSING.  I couldn't survive without this system.  And, a note about the "chore chart"... by the time the ink dries on 1 chore chart the needs of our family change or the stage of a child changes and someone needs a promotion.  Doesn't promotion sound way better than "more work"?  It is always evolving!

Another scenario- THE POOL!  I've said before that it takes me 15 trips to master a system to enjoy an outing.  The first time anywhere - MAJOR learning curve.  The first trip to the pool I forget floaties and I start nursing and half the kids have finished the measly 2 water bottles I packed, and I am dehydrated.  Alas, I simply can't understand, why I didn't bring sunscreen!?  And, then each outing after I start strategizing what happens when, to meet all of our needs and distribute work accordingly.  We have been to the pool about 15 times so suddenly it is getting fun.  We have a system! I figured out who carries what bag and who packs the cooler  I just haven't figured out how to get them to not fight over who gets what towel?  Oh the Grace I need!

I might be saying this TOO soon but it seems easier to bring baby #7 home and get in our routine then ANY OTHER BABY we have had.  I think because we have so many rhythms and systems in place.  And, I have FOUR children that can hold him while I shower and brush my teeth -- this rocks my world!  This helps reserve and maintain energy for when I am mediating and teaching during a towel WAR of who gets the brand new towels and who has to use the ones from last summer!

Bizarre and Beautiful Weekend

Steve and I had very different weekends!  He took the oldest 5 camping this weekend at Stone Mountain with some other F3 dads.  A perfect opportunity for a special weekend long date for Zayden and I!

Going into it I was excited to have so much un-interrupted time with him.  And, I was SCARED.  I knew the level of fun and excitement that his older brothers and sisters provide would not be something I could rival; especially at 33 weeks pregnant.

Reflecting on ONLY a FEW "snapshot moments" of play that the older Z's provided for him before they left:

- Zach played "Zurrito" with him.  I guess you will need this explained won't you?  You wrap a 2 year old up in a blanket and scream Zurrito (a Z burrito) and run around the house with said zurrito.  The game ends with falling onto the futon.  Endless Laughter.  Repeat.
-Zoe played Lion with him. 
-Zeke and Zayden played super-hero dress up and flew around the house looking to save someone
-Zane got up early with him and gave him his favorite show, some cuddles and he is frequently reading him books at night.
-Zadie endlessly tries to dote on him as if he is a baby. Okay, this mostly annoys him actually!  But, it does give him practice in building patience!

How do I compete with that?

Chuck E Cheese, Milkshakes and Discovery Place Kids: Here we come!

My reflections...

1) Zayden is very talkative 1 on 1 and yet it was still VERY VERY quiet.  I mean there were SEVERAL stretches of 5 minutes of total silence.  It was glorious.  And, it was STRANGE.  He kept asking, "What's that sound Mommy?".  And, it would be the ice-maker or air conditioner.  Things of course not HEARD with the normal volume around here.

2) I might be addicted to the crazy pace of our family.  I missed it.  I twitched a little.

3) It is easier to take 6 kids to a restaurant than 1.  If I have 6 kids at a table and 1 is on the floor, it is hardly a problem, or hardly noticeable?  But, if I have 1 kid at the table with me and they are on the floor.  It feels very out of control.

4) I thought Zaydens meltdowns at bedtime were a problem needing more focused attention from me.  Nope.  Epic bedtime meltdown and he was the only one here.  Humbling.

5) I am incapable of getting JUST him in his seat without offering a small piece of candy.

By the last 12 hours he continued to ask, "Where my brothers and sisters?".  Oh be still my heart!  My number 1 fear the last few pregnancies is... Will I be able to give this baby, this precious life all that he or she needs?  Will I be able to give the others all that they need?  My fears are full of pride.

Having 6 (almost 7) children is so humbling.  Weekly.  No Daily.  No Hourly - HUMBLING.  It helps me to realize that even having 1 kid, I could not possibly give him all he needs.  This weekend proved that.  Again.  And, I am not called to!  How prideful I am to think I can BE EVERYTHING for another person!

But, I am called to point them to the one who meets all of their needs.  I am called to wrestle with the truth that He meets all of MY needs and step forward in faith.  The magic of a large family is that God uses each member of the family to meet needs.  And, this weekend that became increasingly clear.  I loved and treasured the 1 on 1 time.  But, what a joy it is to have the rhythm of our whole family living and loving and falling and failing and forgiving together.

Large family life is so much more beautiful and more difficult than I could have imagined!  But, the surprising and wild grace of seeing the gift of service cultivated as they serve and love on one another is priceless.

And, as Steve and I build this family God builds some things in us that are so needed!  I learned again, on a whole new level, that I am enough for them because he is enough for me!  His GRACE is ENOUGH for me!

Who is luckier?

On terrible, horrible, no good very bad days, I think to myself I am raging with envy that Steve is at work right now. 

On those laughter filled, love soaked, memory making days;  I pity him. 

The last few days I have been in what I call, "Culture Re-immersion Shock".  Going away with a dear friend for 4 slow paced, food filled, WORD-filling days at the Greater Homeschool Convention- DIVINE.  I came back with my head and heart full and refreshed.  Not my body because, let me be real, I am 29 weeks pregnant.  There is no refreshed body that is 29 weeks pregnant!

The rapid demands and multiple power struggles and just mach speed pace of this beautiful crazy life is a shock after time away. 

And, then you know what heals culture re-immersion shock?

This 79 seconds:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iiTwWxdfnyU

I can't decide who is the luckier brother?

Hiking and Hot Doughnuts NOW!

"Children can not bounce off the walls if we take away the walls"  Erin Kenny

Today we were overdue to take away the walls!  Steve found a short hike in South Carolina at Anne Springs Close Greenway.  I WANT short since I am almost 26 weeks pregnant!

Last week Zeke had become engrossed with an Adventure book that explained all about a compass and I had promised him for our next hike we would purchase him a compass.  And a promise to Zeke is also a promise to Zadie since we typically read the same books together.  First stop ... buy this adorable compass times 2 for $2.99 at Dicks.  I love how what looks to be like a cheap little toy is such a source of delight.  They were so excited that it was 4 things: a whistle, temperature gauge, small magnifier AND a compass.

I'm daydreaming and hunting for just the right moment to open up a conversation about what is our true north with my oldest Z's!  What RICH metaphors to God's word as our true North to unpack...

A resourceful use of my overstuffed purse found an unused pink bracelet (old library card holder) and Zane's old piano badge strap for them to "strap on" their compass so it would be less likely to be lost in the woods.

Off we went to the Greenway!  Perfect temperatures and it is amazing how sunshine and wide open spaces are instant fun and renewal.  

First stop, port-a-pottys (yuk), then off to the hike.  For portions of the trails we shared them with horse back riders which was a delight for us all. Instantly Zoe spotted the directions to "Swinging Bridge", so away we went.  I swear it was a moment ago that I was helping her just get the first letter on the signs on our hikes.  Zayden (2.5) insisted on walking almost the whole time, its no wonder he is SOUND ASLEEP right now at 6pm.  And, they all insisted on finding sticks just the right size to use for walking.  

We came to the swinging bridge before too long and I waited on the bench and took a few pix.

It was a suspension bridge so it truly jumped and swung!  If you know my kids I don't have to tell you which ones started JUMPING to make it swing and sway deeper and faster.

Today's sermon at church was amazing.  And, the theme was JOY so I REALLY was inpsired to get this amazing picture of them "jumping for joy"!  I think I will have to keep trying this one on future outings!

They all spent close to 30 minutes challenging themselves and competing with each other on going up this steep hill.  Yes, including Steve!  I stood back and worked on converting my lunch into growing a human.  We were both exhausted after!  

When they play like this: bliss.   I wonder if as they play at taking this hill if this builds physical memory for taking future hills.  And today I prayed.  I prayed that they would always dare to see uphill battles, the important ones, as conquerable.  That they would approach the steep hills in their life with determination and resolve and play at conquering them... 

They came away with dirty knees and clothes and bottoms, proof of all their hard work!  

We reached what we thought would be the Nature Center to explore, but it was closed.  But how adorable are these tables and chairs?  And, why did that car have to ruin my beautiful background?

Finally we hiked down to the lake with Zeke pretending to fall in a few "holes" near the lake with an excuse to use his whistle to ask for a "rescue".  And, then I waited with Zeke, Zayden, Zoe and Zadie while Dad, Zach and Zane RAN back over a mile to the car and came to pick us up.  The littles and I were exhausted and needed a sit.  Zadie grabbed a branch with pine needles and pretended to sweep up our "house".  Then Zoe and Zadie were grabbing all the flowers they could find for a bouquet.  Zeke, Zayden and I played catch with a tennis ball from our pack.  And, Zeke kept pretending the divets in the ground were secret passages to Mario World.  I love his imagination!

My Most grateful from todays hike centers on Zeke.  It has been a long winter with Zeke.  We are learning together how to manage our strong wills and strong emotions.   He challenges me in ways that aren't even comparable to his older siblings.  I truly am SHOCKED by his behavior sometimes.  Zeke is ravenous for information and experiences.  Its like his brain is on fire and information experiences, input will settle the fire.  Often, I feel I cant keep up!  It all brings me to my knees, and for that I will count as joy as it will build my character!  And, I am so grateful for an answer to prayer, to see clearly the next right step and strategy with him is to get him outside a LOT MORE. Outside gives constant input that he needs and thrives on even more so than my other kids.  So thankful Spring is here!

This boy who wants to push EVERY boundary needs the wide open spaces of outside.  And, I found it easy to delight in him outside.  

On the way home a good friend texted pictures of her DUCK DONUTS and the baby in my belly instantly cried out for them.  Sadly they were already closed but... Krispy Kreme was open!  And, our kids have never been IN a Krispy Kreme, so it was quite the experience...

I LOVE how he came in the corner and made this picture that much more interesting!

And, finally photobombing clearly is a family thing!  I wanted a selfie with my hunk of a husband in his Krispy Kreme hat.  Afterall donuts were NOT on his healthy lifestyle living plan but this man LOVES us well, I mean look at him he put on the HAT!