Going into it I was excited to have so much un-interrupted time with him. And, I was SCARED. I knew the level of fun and excitement that his older brothers and sisters provide would not be something I could rival; especially at 33 weeks pregnant.
Reflecting on ONLY a FEW "snapshot moments" of play that the older Z's provided for him before they left:
- Zach played "Zurrito" with him. I guess you will need this explained won't you? You wrap a 2 year old up in a blanket and scream Zurrito (a Z burrito) and run around the house with said zurrito. The game ends with falling onto the futon. Endless Laughter. Repeat.
-Zoe played Lion with him.
-Zeke and Zayden played super-hero dress up and flew around the house looking to save someone
-Zane got up early with him and gave him his favorite show, some cuddles and he is frequently reading him books at night.
-Zadie endlessly tries to dote on him as if he is a baby. Okay, this mostly annoys him actually! But, it does give him practice in building patience!
How do I compete with that?
Chuck E Cheese, Milkshakes and Discovery Place Kids: Here we come!
My reflections...
1) Zayden is very talkative 1 on 1 and yet it was still VERY VERY quiet. I mean there were SEVERAL stretches of 5 minutes of total silence. It was glorious. And, it was STRANGE. He kept asking, "What's that sound Mommy?". And, it would be the ice-maker or air conditioner. Things of course not HEARD with the normal volume around here.
2) I might be addicted to the crazy pace of our family. I missed it. I twitched a little.
3) It is easier to take 6 kids to a restaurant than 1. If I have 6 kids at a table and 1 is on the floor, it is hardly a problem, or hardly noticeable? But, if I have 1 kid at the table with me and they are on the floor. It feels very out of control.
4) I thought Zaydens meltdowns at bedtime were a problem needing more focused attention from me. Nope. Epic bedtime meltdown and he was the only one here. Humbling.
5) I am incapable of getting JUST him in his seat without offering a small piece of candy.
By the last 12 hours he continued to ask, "Where my brothers and sisters?". Oh be still my heart! My number 1 fear the last few pregnancies is... Will I be able to give this baby, this precious life all that he or she needs? Will I be able to give the others all that they need? My fears are full of pride.
Having 6 (almost 7) children is so humbling. Weekly. No Daily. No Hourly - HUMBLING. It helps me to realize that even having 1 kid, I could not possibly give him all he needs. This weekend proved that. Again. And, I am not called to! How prideful I am to think I can BE EVERYTHING for another person!
But, I am called to point them to the one who meets all of their needs. I am called to wrestle with the truth that He meets all of MY needs and step forward in faith. The magic of a large family is that God uses each member of the family to meet needs. And, this weekend that became increasingly clear. I loved and treasured the 1 on 1 time. But, what a joy it is to have the rhythm of our whole family living and loving and falling and failing and forgiving together.
Large family life is so much more beautiful and more difficult than I could have imagined! But, the surprising and wild grace of seeing the gift of service cultivated as they serve and love on one another is priceless.
And, as Steve and I build this family God builds some things in us that are so needed! I learned again, on a whole new level, that I am enough for them because he is enough for me! His GRACE is ENOUGH for me!
