EMBARRASSING YMCA locker room story… (aprox 4 min.)
What we whisper our children will yell. Loudly. In public. And, if you have multiple children they will echo it loudly. In public.
I am a wretched sinner saved by grace falling more and more in love with Jesus. He is my rock. His word is the foundation I seek to build my whole life on. Ive been obsessed with words my whole life. I feast on good words and quotes. I delight in learning a new word.
The power of WORDS
God spoke and created the world. And we being made in his very own image speak and create and shape a world for our children.
“Wise words satisfy like a good meal; the right words bring satisfaction. The tongue can bring death or life; those who love to talk will reap the consequences.”
We have all had moments that words spoken to us have GIVEN LIFE to every cell in our body. Oh what a joy it is! And, we I am sure have all had moments that words spoken to us have devastated, shamed, humiliated, discouraged and drained us.
It’s funny how sometimes it isn’t even WHAT THE WORDS are, it is the SPIRIT BEHIND THEM, RIGHT?
I can SMELL the VALUE someone has in children (or lack there of by the WAY they say, “youve got your hands full!!”
Say several different ways!
What a magnificent challenge we have to create a culture with LIFE GIVING WORDS!
We all want to speak life into our children's lives and hearts.
Yet, I know I have found this quite difficult at times. The words that spill out of my mouth are not at all what I want.
Our words demonstrate what our real values are. What we say to our children and how we say it reveals what we really value.
We are always teaching VALUES - what VALUE wins?
For me motherhood has been one large identity and values crises. I thought I had it ALL figured out. And, then I had Zach. I thought I knew all the answers to all the problems. And, then I end up in moments like the locker room story where they are SCREAMING VALUES I didn’t know I was teaching.
Every minute no matter how inconsequential teaches. Attitudes are contagious. Values are contagious.
Motherhood WARS VALUES. Does cleanliness win? Does play win? Afterall, I want a life giving home? Does teaching them math win? After all there is a lot of pressure for those times tables… Do clean clothes win? I mean if my kids look unkempt that is bad PR for families. Does efficiency win? Does exercise win? Loading the dishwasher and dripping water everywhere does the heart of the matter win or the mess win? Milk spills, child cries what matters more? Does helping in strife or being lazy and kind win?
For example Zoe loading the dishwasher… huge mess but heart of service WINS over a messy floor.
What do my words reflect- my values/heart!
Luke 6:45
“45 A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of.”
Our children see our hearts. They mirror our hearts. We are training their hearts. We are training their affections, their grace-filled or grace void mouths flow out of what is stored in their heart.
And, it is less about the sermons we speak and more about the sermons we LIVE.
Don’t misunderstand. I love the chance to give a sermon. Especially in the CAR. They are STRAPPED in and a CAPTIVE AUDIENCE AFTER ALL.
Grayson and Maggie call these places “sacred spaces”. Places where convos are more likely to happen because of our setting or circumstance.
“When a student is fully trained he will be like his teacher.” Luke 6:40
When our children are fully trained they will be like us! What ultimate value can guide us?
What is the ultimate value?
Love.
LOVE should always be our greatest guide.
Jesus was asked about this
Love the Lord your God with all your heart , mind, soul and strength and love your neighbor as yourself. (Mark 12:30-31)
Think about that last part. Love your neighbor as yourself. Our children are the closest neighbors we have. They are with us more than anyone else. Mother Teresa says if you want to make peace go home and love your children. Are we treating our children like we would want to be treated?
Are we speaking to them with respect, with eye contact, with dignity with love and with grace.
Too often we want to discipline our children for behavior we HAVE taught them . They have caught from us. For using words they learned from us.
If we speak to them with anger, if we raise our voice all the time, if we're short with them, why should we expect them to be any different from us?
If we want them to apologize without being asked, they need to see us do that. If we want them to treat their siblings with love and grace, they need to see us treat them and all others like that.
Words for US and THEM. Where is: Our compass, our guide, our rock, our TRUE NORTH?
What an impossible task on our own! Apart from Him we cannot do this. But, His strength is made perfect in our weaknesses. (2 Corinthians 12:9) Staying connected to Him is EVERYTHING.
In order to have words that are: Kind and loving and graceful and true and beautiful we MUST go to the word to fill up. We cannot give what we do not have. We begin again over and over again at getting THE WORD In our head and heart.
We think we know scripture is we are familiar with it. A few years ago I recognized the CHASM the GAP between what I knew and could recognize in scripture and what I knew in my heart. It occurred to me that if I KNEW deep down in my soul and every cell in my body was obedient to the truths I recognized, it would change everything.
In spanish and hungarian they actually have different words for this kind of knowing!
Spanish saber (head) concocer (heart)
Hungarian also!
Our language limits our understanding of KNOWING.
His word needs to become furniture, fixtures for our souls. His words are the ONLY words that can cut through our soul and spirit. His Words are LIVING and ACTIVE.
Hebrews 4:12 – alive and ACTIVE – READ OUT LOUD
For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.
2 Timothy 3:16 – 17
16 All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, 17 so that the servant of God[a]may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.
This task of shaping how our children use their words seems impossible.
Aside from knowing and relying on His Word, we'll never be able to give life with our own words, much less teach our children to do the same.
Our will power, the blogs we read, the bookcase full of parenting books, the “studies” we attend and all the Pinterest boards in the world are not enough to show us how to teach our children to communicate with grace and truth.
Those things come only through a mother who has immersed herself in God's Word so much that His Words start to become her own.
Because a mother that is bathing in the Scriptures each and every day knows that her words don't have the power of God's Word, like we just read about. She knows that His Word is the only thing that can truly change a human heart, know matter how little the person is it belongs to.
Application!
But where do you begin? How do you build the Bible into your time with your children.
Example of how we are using scripture at home…
Explain the process we use at home. Not PRESCRIPTIVE but DESCRIPTIVE. But, explain how that serves us a few examples depending on time…
(meal times, morning times, car times, discipline, music)
A little every day over the grace of a childhood adds up to a LOT!!
6,570 days. (18 years X 365)
How much could you accomplish over the grace of all those days?
We overestimate what we could do in a short time, under estimate the long run!
START SOMEWHERE and do not underestimate what a little every day can do. For example just the words of LOVE the love chapter alone could serve you AGAIN AND AGAIN.
What mother doesn’t have to remind her children again and again in this area?
Insert possible story from morning meeting (Zane Chronicles confusion)
Micro stories:
Ex: Zayden scootering and saying the Lord's prayer
Ex: Me remembering in the heat of the moment that love is not get easily angered
Ex: let's be gentle, “Let love and faithfulness never leave you”...
Ex: Zane upon reciting the 10 commandments said, “I break that one a lot”. --- follow up heart convo!!
There is no task more important more pressing more urgent more ANYTHING than filling up on the word of God. Just as Timothy explains it prepares for EVERY good WORK. The work of motherhood is good work. Holy work. The work of motherhood is sacred and urgent.
He trusts us with souls to care for. Whole human lives we are responsible for! Let's lay down our distractions and fears and failures and pick up the sword… the VERY WORDS INSPIRED BY GOD HIMSELF.
Lets push past the never ending distractions and obstacles to feast on his word.
Let’s lay down our grumbling and complaining and get to work. Let’s lay down our regrets from yesterday our sins from yesterday and pick up the wild and free gift of his grace. But, a battle we are not ready for, what to do?
What if our hearts are just not FEELING the LOVE?
He loves us so much he gives us the prescription for this. Two prayers I have prayed FREQUENTLY over my heart for my children.
Create in me a clean heart oh Lord and renew a right spirit within me. (Psalm 51:10)
Ezekiel 36:26 I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.
Or, “Help me see my child like you see him. Your ways are higher than my ways your thoughts higher than my thoughts, your wisdom is great and I am begging you for it. Help me see my child like you see my child!”
