One of my happy places!

Doesn't this picture make you want to take your child to the library?  I must say you don't even know how happy this picture makes me.  First and most important, I have been seriously working on Zeke's ability to smile in a picture.  He truly enjoys pretending to not notice group pictures are being taken and tries to sabotage them for attention.  I needed a proactive plan or else I would not have the pictures my 'Mom' heart longs for.  I have been jokingly giving him "smiling instructions" which is a fun way to giggle and give him attention. Today after we spelled all his names (his request) and his nickname on the library letter magnet wall, I asked him to smile for a picture and he obliged!!  I died from happiness.  And, then was quickly brought back to life when I realized Zayden was taking books off the library shelf one by one and replacing them wherever he felt they needed to return. Again.  It is a good thing Zeke looks so ridiculously ADORABLE in this picture because the battle he gave me to carry his fine waiver card in HIS WALLET almost broke me during our checkout process.

 They have a great selection of puzzles!  And, I am not in charge of organizing them.  That is the best part really.  

This picture is not from the library at all.  It's a Christmas present box I re-purposed into a crayon box.  It is my favorite picture I have ever taken.  It fits in a way I just can't explain right at this moment.  Just trust me.   

Let's be real.  The library can be very stressful.  There are people that shush you.  There are lots of things toddlers and preschoolers CAN NOT grab and in general it is a very quiet place and most children I have met are not very quiet people.  Each season presents new challenges on having a joyful library time with my kids. The struggle is real but it is really worth it.  I thought it would be fun to share some of the scoop.  I know I am just scratching the surface of the library and I think most of us agree it is an underutilized FREE tool!  This past "school" year we went most every Tuesday and it was one of my favorite parts of our school year rhythm.

Things I love about the library (besides the books):

1) Programs!  

The storytimes are FANTASTIC and I often get inspiration for songs and books to enjoy at home!  

The Summer Reading Program is a fantastic way to READ DOWN YOUR FINES.  With 8 of us checking out books, if we are just 1 day late it can be EXPENSIVE.  Did you know that you can read down your fines?  We have already earned about $50 worth of fine waiver cards this summer!  Sign up EVERYONE in your family for summer reading today!  Even adults can earn fine waivers.

2) Volunteer Opportunities -You can "adopt a shelf" to organize.  Kids can organize a section and log volunteer hours.  It is a great chance for a child to do meaningful work.  I know my kids would much rather be in charge of a section to alphabetize then do an alphabetical order worksheet.  And, they get to practice service!  And, they discover new books they would not normally pick.  I was blown away at the books that Zach would bring home from the library this year after he would serve an an organizer.   Books that cover a myriad of science and history topics; that he was interested in just from spotting them while he brought order to his ISLE.  

The day I saw the personal signs for this I was on a LIBRARY HIGH.  Until I realized that Zeke, Zadie and Zayden were running around crazy and re-arranging isles.  Highs and lows of motherhood are brutal.

3)  AUDIO BOOKS!  With 6 kids I am RUTHLESS about finding "low effort high impact" stuff. Audio books are huge for us.  We do them in the car and at room time.  The library has a HUGE inventory of playaways.  They are smaller then a mobile phone and you plug in headphones or speakers and you have a great book on audio. Preschoolers feel so BIG having their own audio version of "Giraffes can't dance" or "Winnie the Pooh".  

I made Zoe pose for this picture because I really want more pix on my blog!  I have this idea that it will make my blog more legitimate.  And, she so enjoyed the audio book that she is still listening to it now and coloring.  Score!

We also are JUST getting acquainted with Overdrive, another source for audio books through the Charlotte Mecklenburg website.  Zoe has listened to Alice in Wonderland and Anne of Avonlea on it.  How great to have FREE audio classics available!  And, I know we are just scratching the service of what is available.  Hoopla is also available through Charlotte Mecklenburg Library.  I would guess any local library is providing similar options.  

Reason #128 why I love children...

They dance in the rain.  They find the fun.  They are DRAWN to it.  All children are.  The world is their oyster and they do all they can to enjoy it!  They soak in the wonder and delight in every precious small and big gift.  I want to be more like them when I grow up.

Let me back up a bit.  After dinner, I was sitting on the porch and reflecting on the true real LEGITIMATE STRUGGLE of the day.  Multiple meltdowns during room time at the same time; while I prayed to God they wouldn't wake Zayden. Dinner seems like it should be a WHOLE other post.  But, I will just jam pack this one.  I made a new recipe.  Brunswick Stew!  I felt so resourceful using up the leftover rice and barbecue and homemade salsa.  I was officially giving myself an award in my head for being very homemakery.  Half my Z's ate it.  Zayden and Zach even had seconds and Steve loved it!  And, it was low calorie!  But, Zane, Zadie and Zeke...  I don't want to talk about it. Actually I am lying.  I completely and totally want to talk about it.  Let me give you a few quotes from dinner where I tried very hard to be a grown up but actually failed...

"Zane if you were playing me a drum song and I covered my ears in disgust and every so often let my hands off my ears to hear one second only to recover my ears, would that be kind!!??"

"Zadie if you colored me a picture and I wouldn't even take the time to glance at the picture..."

Well, I am sure you can imagine.  The words might have been okay but my heart... my tone was REVENGE, ANGER...  My children always show me who I really am.  Anyways.  Stressful but wonderful dinner.  And, other surprise stressers from the day that I was not handling great.  I went to the porch to relax while Steve directed after dinner chores.  

And, the rain starts.  I am contemplating crying.  And, then Zadie comes out the door followed by all the other Z's and they start dancing and playing in the rain.  Pure JOY!  

They danced, raced, and played.  And, I felt my heart soften.  At one point I found such humor in them riding bikes and scooters BAREFOOT but with a helmet!  We care about brains not feet in the Wagner household apparently.  And, then the rain stopped.  We talked about that God brought us the perfect sprayground but it was over and Zeke raced to the garage to grab a watergun and yelled, "I can make Mo RAIN!"  

And, now I have to go and do all the wet laundry!

PS- The cutest rain song I have ever heard for preschoolers is:  "If all of the raindrops" on the "Songs for Wiggleworms" album!  You can't listen to it without smiling and dancing!  DO NOT get the barney version you will pass out from disgust and annoyance.

Family Vision

On our drive home from the beach, Steve and I were dusting off our "family vision statement" and having a healthy discussion about where we are and where we want to head as a family.  We were first prompted to write a vision statement a few years ago through a Family Mentoring Class at our church. During the class we were asked to read, "What is a Family" by Edith Schaeffer. I loved this book because I starve for older, more experienced moms from which to learn mothering wisdom. Reading (then re-reading) this book provides the sort of wisdom I am yearning for.

I am so easily distracted.  You know the old adage, "you can't see the forest for the trees expression"?
That is ME.  All I see are trees, and snakes and sticks and dirt... I am so distracted by the small things, the scary things, the emergencies that Lord knows I am most definitely NOT seeing a forest.

Of course, by sticks and snakes and trees I mean tantrums, laundry, picking up the crayons and markers and making dinner for like the 7th time this week (for the 5,000th week in a row)!  But with an eye toward heaven and with both knees on the floor, I just take it by PURE faith that there is indeed a forest out there.

I love Edith's beautiful and wise Christ centered view of family. She helps me to see the forest.  She paints beautiful metaphors about family that make me step away from the sticks, the dirt, the snakes, the poison ivy, the tantrums, the illnesses, the bedtimes, the chores, the, the, the .... and see the beautiful breathtaking forest.  I so need that.

We landed on these guideposts:
1) Growing in truth, wisdom and character from the Holy Bible
2) Create a respectful, peaceful, and encouraging home
3) Foster a Love of Learning
4) Loving others through SERVICE
5) FUN!

Math FUN!

2011, my first year of homeschooling and my curriculum choices felt EXCRUTIATING.  I was so worried about picking the wrong thing.  Lacking confidence and a VISION the curriculum was my master so I HAD TO PICK THE RIGHT ONE.

Now I see curriculum as a tool, MY slave even, which is so freeing!

I delight in finding math in our everyday life!  I enjoy learning more about myself as I try and see the world through their eyes and journey with them to a greater wonder of math.  I DETEST making them do boring input, output delete type activities.  Drudgery.  I'm hunting for magic moments.

2 years ago during PE the power of these "learning moments" hit me so starkly.  Zoe and Zane had completed dozens and dozens of  draw the hour and minute clock problems in their math curriculum.  Every week for months.  Hello spiral curriculum.  And, they were getting it.  In a robotic way.  

But, then there was this GIANT clock on the wall of this indoor pool at PE.  And, they wanted to know what time we were leaving and how many minutes they had LEFT and how many more SLIDES they could get in before our departure.  Very important stuff when you are 5.  And, I try very hard to make their important stuff an opportunity for a shared adventure of discovery.

Their motivation to figure out the clock was off the charts.  They watched the clock and asked a few questions. Responding to those few questions, in that moment, we made more progress than weeks worth of "curriculum".  Why?  Because the answer to the question MATTERED to them.  When a child is curious their attention and focus are completely dialed in. Nothing stops a curious child!
How priceless it is to share in our children's delightful discoveries!

Here are ways I use the world as my classroom and discover math:

1)  Halves and Quarters
- I love transforming mundane motherhood activities and making them meaningful!  Enter sandwiches!  This question preceeds you getting your sandwich most of the time at my house, "Do you want 1/2's or 1/4's?  Do you want 4 pieces or 2 pieces.

- Do you want 2 rectangles or 4 rectangles?

- 3 year olds can understand complex math when it is meaningful and modeled with passion

2) PIZZA!  Who wants to help me cut the pizza into fractions?    Just using the terms you need them to understand puts them in their working vocabulary and develops their number concepts.  Going out to most pizzerias they have the sizes with the diameters of pizzas on the wall.  Perfect visuals!  Which makes a great discussion!  Look at the 10", 12", 14" and 16".  If they are all cut into 1/8's which pizza would you want an 1/8th of?    How much pizza is left after our family finished eating? What fraction is it?  This is meaningful math that matters.  It becomes a group discovery.  Did your little brother have half of an 1/8... what is that fraction?  And, sometimes these fractions are HARD for me to figure out which is perfect.  I model it is truly stumping me and work with what I know.  Kids learn so much when they see a grown up sincerely say, "I don't know".  What a gift we give to our children when we model how to handle not knowing.  And, what an invitation for them to journey in the discovery!

3) Road trips!  We recently went to Florida to visit some friends.  It was a 6 hour trip.  So at the 1/4, 1/2 and 3/4 point we celebrated.  We celebrated the FRACTION and PERCENT!

For preschoolers: "the top of my head is Charlotte the tips of my toes, Florida.  We are 1/4 of the way there we are 25% of the way there we are at my SHOLDERS...ish :)

4) Age in things.  When I said yes to children I said yes to mess.  I am always looking for creative ways to teach them to help with joy!  (Colossians 3:23)  Habits are built ever so slowly...Math and clean-up marry well.  While getting gas, "Everyone grab your age in things of trash in your row and pass it forward".  After a busy week in the car, "everyone grab your age in things and take it out of the car."  A massive pile of legos that is threatening to make me despondent, "everyone grab your age in LEGOS times 3!"

Often my kids, with this significant measurable attainable goal, go above and beyond!  "You did 4 MORE things then your age in things that is so awesome." And, how encouraging it is to this weary momma on how it adds up.  12+7+7+5+3+1=... Well that sounds like a problem I would work with them together!  And, by no means do I feel pressure to grab every math problem, just the ones that are jumping out at me.

"Age in things".  This is a phrase heard even at dinner.  You must eat your age in green beans or carrots before being offered dessert.   At 5 years old Zadie doesn't have a single math worksheet.  And, I absolutely don't think she should!  But, conceptually she plays with 2 times 5  and 3 times 5 during clean-up!  This is a regular way we talk and so as they get older so does their working knowledge of that times table.  And, they get to hear the conversations of their siblings times tables!  They LOVE to make sure others are doing their appropriate amount of "things".

5) Groceries.  Most Fridays I take my crew to Sam's after the Y to do our weekly shop.  We use the store as our classroom.  Mostly they enjoy guessing about the total.  Each week they know approximately how much we spend and they enjoy ESTIMATING.  This is a great chance to develop number concepts.  We also rotate (under my direction) who picks up what item.  Zach grabs the spinach and how much is it again?  Once the receipt prints they all can't wait to know who was over and under on their guess.  And, what a perfect chance to do greater than and less than!  And, it helps keep them out of trouble :)

6) Baking.  There are TONS of fractions in baking!  My older boys love to bake and as long as they clean up the mess I let them bake on Fridays.  They often double a recipee to share with others and there are endless opportunities with fractions.  Zach made a chocolate pie the other day and had to figure out 3, 1 ounce chocolate squares in a 4 ounce pack times 2.  But, he was highly motivated to figure this math problem out!

7) Sales!  Zach is in a Nike phase.  When Nike clothes are 25% off, a perfect "problem" to crack together.  The other week I woke up to Steve and Zach at the dry erase board with graphs on what the cost of a shoe was compared to what they sell it for!  It was Saturday.

8)  Division fun!  The twins 100th day of Kindergarden we went to Chuck E Cheese and I got 100 coins and we had fun working together to DIVIDE them equally (among 4 "gamers" at the time, Zeke was only a baby and Zayden was still held in God's heart).  Anytime there is a limited number of a special treat they LOVE doing the division.  Everyone is highly focused on dividing a dozen donuts equally among 12 people.  We make it fun!

I love searching for their UNIQUE interests and pointing out the math in it!  This isn't always easy but it is worth it.  And, I won't find what I am not searching for.  And, the reward of delight in their eyes at getting the next level is an instant reward!

Enough

I want to strive for excellence in Motherhood, but I often lose my way.  I want to honor God with the gift of motherhood.  I am inspired and encouraged when I spot excellence in others!  Journeying to excellence is tricky.  I think I'm on the road to excellence and one wrong turn and I am in the pit of perfection.

A mentor of mine defines excellence as, "doing the very best you can with what you have got!"  How freeing!  Because that means with the resources, talents, time, energy and limitations I have: I do MY best.  I can look at a friends beautiful home, amazing craft or their unique talents in 1 of 2 ways.  I can look at it with expectations of excellence and I will admire her work, her heart and the beauty she has created.  Or I can look at it with a perfectionistic heart and I will feel inferior, ashamed and hopeless.  I want the 1st.  Kathy Koch refers to a "perfection infection" that is rampant in our world in, "No more Perfect Kids."

The problem isn't that our world has been edited to perfection.  The problem is that I accidentally start believing I have to be perfect.  Fear is so sneaky.  Guilt is too.  They creep in 1,000 different way in a 1,000 different disguises.  Just when you think you have conquered them a new hill appears.  

Perfection verses Excellence

(by Kathy Koch and Jill Savage)

Excellence is something done well.  Perfection is something done without fault.

Excellence is attainable.  Perfection is unattainable.

Excellence is positive.  Perfection is negative.

Excellence is satisfying.  Perfection is never satisified.

Excellence is freeing.  Perfection is binding.  

Excellence allows for failure.  Perfection punishes failure.

Excellence EXPECTS mistakes.  Perfection panics at mistakes.  

Excellence is growing.  Perfection is dying. 

Excellence is learning.  Perfection is performing.

Excellence is open.  Perfection is CLOSED.

Excellence is motivated by confidence Perfection is motivated by fear.  

Excellence comes from God.  Expectation of perfection comes from the world. 

Excellence allows for many ways to accomplish something.  It allows for context. 

Excellence is empowering.  Perfection is rejecting.  

Perfection steals our joy and results in hopelessness.  

IF we expect perfection from ourselves, we will be in perpetual disappointment.  If we expect perfection from others, we will become hypercritical. 

For me when I have a perfectionistic heart it feels heavy and hopeless.  And, I am ultimately worshiping myself.  I am fogetting who I am.  I am a sinner.  And, I am wonderfully made.  What a perfect paradox of truth.  I strive to keep my eyes on Him.  Failing every day.  But, when I am looking to Him who is perfect then peace and joy fill me in my journey towards Excellence.  

Romans 8:6 really speaks to me on this issue in my life.  "Those who are dominated by the sinful nature think about sinful things, but those who are controlled by the Holy Spirit think about things that please the Spirit.  If your sinful nature controls your mind, there is death.  But if the Holy Spirit controls your mind, there is life and peace."  

Perfection elevates and idolizes self.  Excellence points to the only one who is perfect.    Excellence admires and inspires.  Perfection envies and suffocates.  Excellence celebrates unique gifts. Perfection expects to excel at everything.  Excellence believes I am enough because He is enough.  Perfection is never good enough. Perfection is death.  Excellence is LIFE.  

Sorry!

Christmas Eve 2009.  Sorry was the game.  Our family of 3 was going to bond with the wonderful new game of Sorry! It was a disaster.  He was too young to understand that "getting bumped out of the way" and sliding back to home were not personal but a part of the fun and sometimes bad luck of the game.  Steve and I are growing up with our kids so we had yet to learn this was a perfect character building moment.  For all of us.  

I have blinked and that 5 year old is 12.  This week he played Sorry with his 3 year old brother against me.  What a gift it was to see this little boy that used to be SO DEVESTATED by the UNFAIR rules in Sorry be able to maturely, enthusiastically comfort and laugh at the game while his 3 year old brother faced the cruel realty of Sorry!  I love this about having 6 different ages.  I love seeing the stage they are in, have been in and will one day be in all in 1 game or 1 moment.  It is a gift.  It helps me remember that Zeke will one day outgrow his RIDICULOUS tantrums that come about for all kinds of confusing reasons.  I get so stuck.  So often.  I let fear sneak in and worry too often.  Its a battlefield in my mind.  But, a rare moment I see this glimpse and realize I need to hunt for the beauty in each stage because they are each unique gifts not to be squandared.  I can not go back with Zach.  I can not move forward with Zeke.  I can only dial in to the present and find the beautiful gifts that each of their stages offer!  That is so easy to type and so hard to do.  "Enjoy every moment!" That is what those who have rear view mirrors say right?  And, as I look at Zach I know it in my gut they are right.  But, I take things SO LITERALLY.  And, it is impossible to enjoy every moment.  I will simply keep hunting for more moments to enjoy.  And, working hard at growing up and through the hard moments.

Reason #47 why I love children!

They have no armor. Some of the moments I feel most alive is connecting to another humans' heart. With children this is EASY! No face or image management from them. You just get to know them. Many times their entire BODIES communicate their feelings. Toddler tantrum:  case and point. Or a more delightful example, most 3 years olds can't say butterfly or bird with out flying around in excitement. Isn't it delightful to watch a toddler bounce up and down as they enjoy their favorite food?  And, they can't wait to be known, to be seen, to be loved. I think most adults feel the same way they just have 735 pounds of armor on to prevent this from happening. A precious gift it is to have a friend that doesn't mind unloading all 735 pounds of armor to been seen, known, and heard. I always feel these are such holy moments. But, children they are always ready for this moment.

  Both of these reasons compel me to start a blog. I love children. I love connecting. I love sharing about the highs and lows of mothering my precious children!